Should i invite my ex to dinner

Everything was going fine until later on I started changing. She would sometimes tell me that there would be a lot of guys hitting on her at work or outside of work and this made me a very jealous person. She was always the flirtatious and touchy type. She was right but at that time I was only into myself and what I wanted.

I kept on being mean to her and ignored her sometimes she would tell me to stop but I was so stubborn and so dumb. All the good times we had outweighed the bad times by a lot. Then my father moved to a different state and he told me that I would have a better paying job over there.

She started hanging out with her friends more, I never really trusted her friends because I always believed that they would show her other people. She then had to go to two different cities for some manager classes that would take about a month.

She would still go back home for the weekend though. While she was over there was when she started acting more weird.

She never called me like before and would always go out with her classmates. One day when she came back from her classes and I wanted to surprise her by visiting her.

We got home and I started looking around the house and I found a hookah box behind the couch. She was never the type that drank or smoke, but she told me that she had a get together with her girlfriends and they also brought liquor. I think we fought that day because I would think that she brought guys over. I dropped her off the airport the next day because she had to leave to another one of her classes.

I saw her putting on makeup and getting super gorgeous and putting on a, kind of see through shirt. There was this one day when she was out of class and I was calling her and she just ignored my calls.

I called her about 15 times and ignored all of them. She told me that her classmate had her phone and that she ignored them. I was suspicious and thought that she must have met another guy in her classes. One day I surprised her again by showing up randomly. I stop contacting her a few days and I begin looking at her facebook.

She posts a picture of food that some guy co-worker brought her to work and says that she loves it. I also look at her instagram and blocks me the next day. One of my cousins called her and my cousin told me that she sounded happy and like our breakup never happened. I would never have thought that this would happen to me. I always took her for granted and never thought that our relationship would end. I love her so much and I feel really depressed. I feel so stupid and I wish I could have been a better boyfriend and told her that I love her everyday.

I really miss her. You took yourself for granted. I got involved with somebody that I work with. We both still work at the same company together. We really were never together in a relationship. We just had a fling that lasted about a year and a half but my feelings for her were obviously much deeper than her feelings for me. She is now dating somebody for the past month.

It really has destroyed me for some reason. Even though me and her were never in a relationship, we did have sex a couple of times and were intimate with each other on a few other times. We would talk to each other every single day during and after work and see each other outside of work once in a while. She said from the beginning that nothing serious could happen between us. Not only because we work together but also because there is a bit of an age and life situation difference between us.

I am 35 never been married no kids. She is 44 divorced and has two kids. Obviously we are both in totally different stages in our lives but her age honestly never bothered me at all. What of course initially drew me to her was her physical appearance. We worked together for 4 years before anything intimate happened between us. I always found her to be extremely attractive but knew that she was married at the time and never even thought of trying to talk to her on a personal level.

But then one day she sent me a text about a work issue and we just started texting back-and-forth from then on and it went from there. The impact of the rise in parental age on kids and parents.

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Delhi HC orders all stray dogs to have right to food and be taken care of, without any nuisance. The death of a friend. I was beyond excited that I would have the chance to be close to my little sister, nieces, and new baby nephew. I was excited until I learned that they were moving into a house five doors down from my ex-husband.

Since the move, my little sister has also gotten really close to my ex. He goes to her house during the holidays. He invites them over for barbecues. They all carve pumpkins Halloween and build gingerbread houses Christmas together, etc.

Soon after my little sister moved, my mom did too. Now, my two sisters, my mom, and I all live in the same town. My ex has our kids every other weekend. Every time I pick them up, I hear the stories of what they did. He also has a girlfriend now.

They all hang out together. Even though it hurts me badly to hear of all the things my ex, my kids, and my family do together all the time, I never say anything about it to my kids. I wish they would just cut ties with my ex already. I listen to how my kids are developing a relationship with his girlfriend.

I become unhappy and grouchy. I feel like an emotional mess and cry any time I think about all of it. Am I unreasonable to want my family to cut ties with him and support me and my decision? I know the feeling, but if he is a good person, and your family cared about him, unless he did something crazy, there is nothing wrong with them being cordial with him. It will however become awkward when you meet someone and bring them around too. And this is HER family, not his.

That should be the major factor in this situation. Her ex husband is not entitled to them. She is. That is HER family. And is she bothering his family or overstepping? Your own family members should respect your privacy and your wishes and have no problem distancing themselves from your exes. If the ex who used to be in love with this person survived going their separate ways, then the family will get over it too.

Not cool. Your ex sounds psycho, honestly. First of all your sister is being unreasonable! No way girl! They not thinking about you, sounds like they want you to be in misery. Your sister needs to respect you, simple as that.

Agreed completely…this family is very disrespectful, and I am sure he loves the foolishness of what they are doing and the girlfriend too — it likely makes their day, SMH. Very manipulative. There have been times where his family has visited us, and his Ex has used the teenage son at the time to put her on the phone, pass the phone around and have her talk to all of the guests in OUR HOME. Its up to my husband to say something….

The ex is in the same city, and they have known her since she was a teen, and she makes every effort to stop by and keep herself connected to the family on purpose. LIfe lesson: Make sure you marry someone that is in the habit of speaking up when needed…it will affect you in a whole bunch of different areas in your marriage and life. Goodness…I guess I needed to get this out! I feel so bad for you! When I first got divorced my ex was hanging around a lot of my family. After I talked to my mom who lives in his state, she started asking my uncles and they said they heard from my ex that the divorce was all my fault and I had an affair!!!!

In other words he was spreading lies about me to my family! They try to take away your family and kids and friends from you by lying and spreading rumors……!!! Be careful of the mask he wears!! Yes, unfortunately, some families never learned to be respectful to their siblings and siblings choices.

I feel for you because my ex tried to destroy me in every way possible when we split 7 years ago. He promoted lies and created a division between my sisters and myself with the help of my younger sister.

To this day he now has befriended my last sister that I had connection to and to whom I was the closest. If your family is healthy, they would nudge him along, however, when your siblings embrace him and continue the relationship they are disrespecting you and your choices. But the family members that go along with this maybe unconsciously participating and then you just need to let go. Sorry I know it hurts but that will change one day too.

The family is beyond cordial. They are treating him as part of the family. That ends when they divorce. They can still be pleasant to him but that is all. The family is way out of line. He is no longer part of the family. You see, I love my ex-wife and never wanted the divorce. I was clear if it was going to be divorce then she could take anything she wanted I never wanted to see her again.

I had to tell my family to choose. I was fine losing them since I was going to rebuild my life anyway. My family chose me. A year later I get to travel the world with my daughterdaug have found a new wife while ex-wife reports to duty at Walmart every day. I guess sometimes things work out. If the man is a good man, naturally family is going to surround him. As for your family, its his family as well.

Those are his kids just like they are yours. Do you have any idea how many divorces go wrong, where one parent or both are manipulating, jealous etc. It looks like your kids got a good deal, be happy…be grateful. Divorce is the unity of a marriage ripped apart. The time with your kids has been split. That also means your family has to go through this process as well unfortunately. Shame on him for thinking its okay to do what he is doing. You are the one handling this wrong.

You are the one who is the cause to all of your pain and suffering. Get the stick out of your behind and be a better person and go hang out with your family and stop playing victim.

Gtfo with ur victim shaming. Her family should be emotionally supporting her, having parties and family events with her and her kids. OP it sounds like both your ex and family r toxic. Thanksgiving should he spent with family and not exes.

Let all of them know how you feel and know that a healthy family will try to accommodate you. You need to find a support system entirely separate from your family and possibly seek a therapist and lawyer to help you to cope and protect your children from the influence of what seems to be a narcissistic dynamic. Take back your power! It must be very frustrating and painful for this lady. I think her family should politely put the ex at some kind of arms length. They are being beyond insensitve to their own flesh and blood.

No respect for her feelings. I feel for her. Her family sound selfish and toxic. Lady , if you are reading this I hope you find someone new and worthy of you. Someone who has your back. Fights in YOUR corner.

Your ex sounds …. I know that word is bandied about a lot these days , but how dare he continue to stay latched onto YOUR family like that?? Bless you and stay strong. This is beyond cordial. This is a disregard of a sister, daughter and family member. He is an EX. Necessary functions or gatherings as well…like the kids birthdays, graduations and weddings and then the birth of grandchildren down the road! That is it. There is no reason to have the EX around. My ex got my family in the divorce so I know exactly how you feel.

The hurt stays and never goes away. I think family should support you. My ex is not blood and I feel whether or not they agree w my decision they should have been supportive.

By this point he has them fooled but I pray one day it turns around. And I do feel it is wrong all the way. Especially the first year. Your wounds are new. Why put the hurt in your face? Paying for the Ex lawyer is such a betrayal in my eyes. She is helping him fight against you?! Who does that? My family. My mother and my sister helped pay for his lawyer.

Now some want to reconnect but they just had him over for Christmas. With family like this, who needs enemies. This is proof right here. Im sorry for what ypu are going through, I also went through a divorce but I took the approach that I wouldnt expect my family nor my kids to take sides.

I invite him to birthdays along with his new wife and her 3 kids shes pregnant with a 4th that is his. It kills me to see him be more of a father to her kids than his own and i will never interfere with their time with their dad. On my side we were together for 11 years and for those 11 years he became a uncle and a brother and a friend my family still reaches out to him in hopes that he will keep a bond with them and their kids but he has chosen to keep a distance and the heart ache I have seen my family go through is very sad.

For me I can no longer have kids I wanted a dozen of them being a mom was the one thing and still is that im most confident in so after not being able to have more being a aunt was second best after the divorce that changed his family took his side and refuse to be a part of our life.

It kills me to this day that just because we got a divorce his family turned on me. My kids ask about it they see it and it hurts them. Im still hurt he married a woman after 2 months together and they are having kids and hes not the active father i would like him to be.

I can see sending your ex to the depths of hell if he did something to hurt you or the kids but it seems like your ex is simply living his life just as he did before you cant be mad at him for overcoming the pain of divorce and keeping his heart where his family lies…in laws and all. You are nuts. Is never invite my ex along with his new piece to hang out. Thats your own stupidity. I think this is nuts.

You come before him. You need to sit down with your sisters and mom and spell it out for them. Otherwise you are going to resent them forever! I know I would! I totally agree that this is nuts.

Where is the family loyalty? I thought family stuck together. Very disrespectful of your family to not consider your feelings. This is all a story of my reality. At my mothers house with my 2 sisters and their 5 cousins. I will be miles away with my new wonderful husband of almost 5 years. It never gets easier. But I have resigned myself to the fact I will never win a golf game with Tiger Woods and I will never win a manipulation game with my ex.

I try to focus on all the good things in my life and the friends that have stood by my side and whom I call my unbiological family. Thank you for sharing. This too has been my life for 8 years. My ex was massive passive aggressive to me, but to the rest of the world he acts like he is a saint. My siblings were fooled and much family as well. They all include him in holidays, excluded me and still continue to invite him, sometimes now me as well, but I do not join as the pain is so deep.

I have peace with him, for the sake of our kids. I have asked him not to step on me, especially where I am not invited, but he wont give that because he was never capable of taking care of me when we were married, and wont now. So he joins, despite knowing I am hurt because that is his power and manipulation and sense of control. My battle is to continue to heal, so that these situations of utter madness do not continue to hurt me.

Your words above help…. I need to resign that it will never get easier…. They too are manipulating and judging. Your brilliant….. Well Said Julie, thank you — your words have helped reside in me. Take care! Totally agree…its beyond crazy!! I too have gone through similar circumstances and have refused contact with my own family for supporting my X instead of me. We divorced because of his affairs and his ultimate drug addiction. He did terrible things and still has the support of my family.

Go figure. I believe extended families develop these close relationships with ex spouses just to inflict hurt and pain. Maybe residual jealousy from siblings is a part of the reason. It is wrong to hurt your child or sibling in any form of abuse, and this is emotional abuse.

God can judge, and one day they will get his just rewards. I did that, too. Created a new life with friends. Even ny housekeeper is like a sister to me. I would tell my sister about the emotional abuse I was going through with him and she would change subjects. His family stopped talking to me immediately and my family was still liking his Facebook pictures and talking to him like nothing was happening. Even your family like me! OMG My jaw dropped when I read this of all the comments of people sharing stories of their families being involved with the ex still….

And not just my mother but my aunt, grandmother, and my brother. All of which know what he did to me in cheating on me while I was pregnant and living a double life and fomenting me to no end, yet still they like all his posts, gush over his pics with my son.

Who wants to ride that emotional rollercoaster with people??? You love him. We love him. You hate him. Niw we must hate him. Where is the maturity in that??? Did you even read the column? Get it together, it has nothing to do with hate or maturity. Your ignorance is beyond. The X physically, mentally and sexually abused me. He talks crap about them behind their backs, continues to stalk me and try and ruin everything I do even gets the secret gate code to where I live!

Family or not- toxic is toxic! Accepting having your whole family choose your ex over you goes well beyond being mature. How cruel and heartless. She must be devastated, and rightfully so. We do not know why this woman left her husband. Did she find someone new, get bored, etc? My sister dumped her husband of 18 years for another person. She was cruel about it. For 18 years her husband was a son and brother to our family.

A good man, a good father. They share custody but he has physical custody. Sorry, but he became my husbands BF during those 18 years and now we are suppose to kick him out of our lives because she feels guilty being around him?? She dumped him, just like the woman in the OP. Sorry, but I am not into rewarding bad behavior. Children suffer when parents decide they want to blow yo their family. This is on her. She can either put on her big girl panties and act like an adult who made a choice or be left out.

Many people hide their true identity and only Husband and Wives know what that truth is. That Man maybe perfect in your eyes, but you were not married to them. Your sister lived the reality. Children suffer when parents do not make eventual peace.

When other people add judgement to an already hurting reality, it only makes it worse. I know your comment was from a long tome ago but in hopes you may see this, I just want to say I agree! Your sentiments match mine to a T! Everyone always thought my dad was a humble and caring man. In reality he beat my mother relentlessly and emotionally abused us kids as well. It was he11 on Earth.

People do not always know even if they think they do. It was sickening. My poor mother caught so much flak from people when she finally broke free. I commend my mom for standing strong. I am so glad you are intelligent enough to know these things and caring enough to point the fact out to others. Theresa — were you ever in an abusive relationship?! If you respond yes, did you need restraining orders? Hospital visits? And you need to revise your opinion of good people. Still so many ignorant about abuse!

If you try to make them be loyal like a normal sister or mom they will only become bigger liars than they already are. Who needs family as weak as they seem to be? Stay around for the sake of your children but beyond that, find new friends and hobbies and move on. I think your family is supposed to be there for you.

And I think your ex needs to back off. I am no psychologist but it sounds like he is a narcissist and is using your ties to your family to get back at you.

And your family is taking the bait. Yes he can say hi, if he runs into them but that should be it. If you can you need to tell them how you feel. Wow, I totally agree with you. He sounds like a narcissist who has them fooled and he is gaslighting you. My ex cozied up even more than ever to my sister during our acrimonious divorce. My sister helped him, allowed him to take her kids on holidays! In court, it was obvious because he kept trying use their relationship against me in court!

So there was an ulterior motive. I know and understand how you feel…. I stumbled across your post as i was looking up the same information. I to am in the same struggle. All he did was lie and I was no longer happy so I chose to leave, he told me if I left That i would lose everything including my family.

I moved out on my own with nothing and no support from my family. It was very hard to no that all my family turned against me and that he plays a big part in their life. Couples who have broken up often attempt to reconcile during this time of year, only to find around March or April that the problems that broke them up are still there.

Problems rarely just go away. Finally, good for you for not expecting your friends to choose between you and your ex.

That would be very bad ex-etiquette. Happy New Year!